• don't expect things or put pressure if you want something
• they like to listen and be of service, but don't take advantage
• listen while they meander; give them time; it's OK to nudge them
• ask them questions to help them clarify
• flatter them; show them affection
• they like a good discussion but not a confrontation
• laugh with them and share their enjoyment of life

What's good about being a Nine

• they are accepting and nonjudgmental
• they care about and are concerned for others
• they can relax and have a good time; they are easy to be around
• they can see all sides and are good mediators
• they are aware of sensations and the here and now
• they can go with the flow

What's difficult about being a Nine

• they don't like being judged or misunderstand for being indecisive
• they are self-critical for lacking discipline and initiative
• they are too sensitive to criticism; taking everything personally
• they can be confused about what they want
• they care too much about what others think
• they fear not being taken seriously

Nines as Children

• feel ignored and that their wants, opinions, and feelings are unimportant
• tune out a lot, especially when others argue
• are "good" children: deny anger or keep it to themselves

Fours as Parents

• are sometimes overly permissive or nondirective
• are supportive, kind and warm

Source: Adapted from Riso, Don Richard with Russ Hudson, Personality Types:Using the Enneagram for Self Discovery,1996. Houghton Mifflin and Baron, Renee and Elizabeth Wagele, The Enneagram Made Easy, 1994, Harper Collins